Clipping courtesy MCN
Clipping courtesy MCN

Due to the wonder of Crowd Funding, former TV presenter Steve Berry has managed to secure a lead part in the new Quadrophenia-inspired movie ‘Being’. Director Devlin Crow is raising funds via a Kickstarter campaign. This has unfortunately opened the possibility of someone like Berry buying their way back onto the screen. It is rumoured that Steve paid a four-figure sum to have a role written in for himself by the cash-strapped production crew.

 

Grinning Lancashire lad-about-town Berry is best known for a stint on Top Gear in the era before Clarkson was confident enough to punch anyone who annoyed him. Steve then went on to become a famous commentator on all things motorcycling before more recently becoming a rock DJ on local radio station XS Manchester.

 

So why would biker Steve want to appear in a film featuring scooters?

 

What many people forget is that Steve was originally a proud mod and scooterboy who worked on the premier printed scooter magazine of the 1980s: Scooter Scene, before it was bought by Myatt McFarlane PLC and he was installed as a scooter magazine editor. In his past Steve owned plenty of scooters and even interviewed Nigel Cox of the Lambretta Museum (Weston Super Mare) for Top Gear. However, it was in his time with MMP that he discovered his true forte was talking about, and crashing, motorbikes.

 

When asked about the trademark 180-degree switch back to scooters Berry replied;

 

“It’s really great to be back involved with scooters now after so long hanging out with those greebos and rockers. And it’s really great that you scooter lads have forgiven me for cutting a Vespa in half on my charity shop bargain-bin video Berry on Bikes. I know I suggested scooters were effeminate then; but that was just to impress the bikers. All along I’ve had a real soft spot for them. I just pretended not to like scooters any more because otherwise I wouldn’t be taken seriously by the outlaw bike clubs.”

 

What will Steve do on Being?

 

Devlin has decided to keep Berry away from scooter riding during filming for insurance reasons. Steve famously broke an ankle in a 5mph crash on a scooter in the 1990s. Instead Steve will play the role of Steve, a loud-mouthed northern Mod who turns his back on the Mod scene when he discovers that Rockers are better. This is despite the fact that the film isn’t about that sort of thing at all.

 

Speaking privately about Steve, his publicist Avril Bouffon explained: “It’s great that Being have decided to get The Berrymeister – as he wants to be called now – on board because this week he’s really keen on scooters and desperately wanted to be back on screen. I suggest you do your best to gain cheap publicity from his name as quickly as you can because next week he might hate scooters again and return to being a bike-loving rock God. You know how fickle he can be.”

 

Devlin, speaking privately to his producer, via a hacked mobile phone, is rumoured to have suggested that Berry’s character may well end up on the cutting room floor in order to return his gentle drama back to the original script. But obviously the money will still come in handy.

 

The film company are currently looking for donations from ‘Mod Scooterists’ who are interested in appearing in Being; which stars original Quadrophenia actor Mark Wingett. A Kickstarter pledge of £250 guarantees a role for you and your scooter to appear in the film in scenes shot in Brighton. For more information, and to support Being The film, click here

 

 

 

 

 

As is the tradition, since it is now after Noon on April 1st we must point out that this feature is an April Fool’s joke, apart from:

 

  1. You really can appear in ‘Being’ the Film, by clicking the link

  2. The opinons expressed in the clip about Steve Berry by former Top Gear presenters are allegedly genuine.

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