A beer fridge is one of the best garage tools you can own, especially if you're inspired when under the influence of its contents
A beer fridge is one of the best garage tools you can own, especially if you’re inspired when under the influence of its contents

An underdog’s drunken intro to racing

 

Kirk St Moritz had an epiphany moment whilst relaxing on holiday. Never one to think things through properly his moment of clarity soon turned into a last minute project buy and built from scratch Street Class Lambretta. Here’s what happened. 

 

A holiday from the mundane everyday treadmill of life is a wonderful thing. Except of course when that relaxing sun drenched alcohol-soaked ambiance gives rise to free thinking time… Then it can be a dangerous thing.

 

I refer to such a time during the dark winter months when the need for vitamin D leads me to search for wintertime ultraviolet rays to quash the annually recurring SAD syndrome.

 

So off we flew for a cheap week in the Canaries with the wife, kids and family friends. As with many stories told, this one begins with alcohol. At less than a pound a pint during the pool bar happy hour, a good few 80 pence worths were sunk between 4 and 6.00 pm. When coupled with a quiet evening back at the hotel apartment following a brim full of food from the ‘all you can eat’ Chinese buffet for €5.50 down the road. And a present given to me for Christmas the previous year in the form of book…..(Guy Martin’s second offering – When you dead you dead) a small seed began to germinate in my alcohol contorted mind.

 

Whilst reading about Guys exploits building a bike and competing in the Pikes Peak hillclimb I thought to myself “I can do that.” 

 

I’m 47 years old, overweight, bald and look like a well-done jacket potato. I’m very much past my prime but somewhere in my mind the alcohol, sunshine and free thinking time had given me a feeling of invincibility! What could possibly go wrong? And they say Redbull gives you wings!

 

I had a spare Spanish 125 engine casing back home, which had been machined to convert it to a 200 spigot and stud pattern….. And from that point a plan was very quickly conceived.

 

If only I’d insisted on the alcohol aspect of this pairing wearing a rubber Johnny, none of this would have happened. Ahhh the benefit of hindsight!

 

I posted a quick drunken question on my Facebook ‘WANTED, INDIAN GP FRAME.’ enquiring as to the availability of a Lambretta frame to accompany said engine casing. The ad continued ‘Must be straight and with a current V5. Your price paid, no bullshit please…can collect!’

 

I was immediately greeted with a response offering me a complete Indian GP200 for a princely sum. ‘I’ll have it…’  Shouted the shit-faced little Devil inside my drunken, spontaneous and otherwise borderline lunatic brain! And a deal was struck without even seeing it in the metal!

 

I awoke the next morning to the usual list of questions I run through as I regain consciousness. OK, where am I? Do I need to get up out of bed right now? What did I have for tea last night? Why do I have an uneasy feeling of impending doom? Oh yeah that’s because the previous nights chinese was manifesting itself as a turtle’s head.

 

As I began my regular morning purge… I thought I’d check out what was happening in cyberspace and clicked onto the Facebook app on my phone. It literally dawned on me as the sun was just starting to surface and the turtle was flushed out to sea. ‘FFS. I’ve bought another scooter’.

 

Now I’m a man of my word, and if I say I’m gonna do it I’ll do it, so there was no backing out of the deal. That was for certain.

 

I broke the news to the Mrs over a cup of tea and a croissant at breakfast. She gave me a knowing look as if to say ‘You can’t SLUKing well simply go on a family holiday without involving Lambrettas, can you?!”

 

The bastard foetus conceived between alcohol and an already SLUKed up mind had started to grow… Its cells were splitting, dividing and multiplying at an alarming rate. The plan began to evolve very quickly. On the basis of pro-life, the morning after pill wasn’t an option here….There was no going back.

 

More to follow as Kirk builds the dream, lives the nightmare and sheds the pounds to build comfort into his new leathers. Looking at the fridge in his well stocked garage, anything could happen…

Nice to see you, to see you nice. Kirk's drunken night is quickly turning into reality
Nice to see you, to see you nice. Kirk’s drunken night is quickly turning into reality

  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •